New business venture

I'm coming out with a new board game for hipsters. It's called "Am I Supposed To Know That Name?"

It's wild, it's insecure, it's got a kitschy pop-up timer. It's also got the little cars from The Game of Life, even though they have absolutely nothing to do with the game. I'm just throwing them in, because what was up with those, anyway?

The "families" and cars from Life were the biggest rip off toy ever. This coming from the girl would grab a L'Eggs egg and be like THIS IS MY NEW FANTASY CASTLE!

They were the only board game pieces that were never lost in my house, because they never left the game. "Make sure you put every useless pink stick pin-person back in that box where it belongs! I don't want that crap getting mixed in with my good toys, like the Baby Alive I made from rubber cement and a Munchkin and shoelaces."

I googled Life and discovered it was actually created in 1860! Originally, it was called the Game of Die From A Preventable Disease Such As Mumps. You played it until age 14, when you babysat the neighbor's child with Scarlet Fever. And then you never played again.

A most important day!

I had a very exciting morning! As I was exiting the R train at 59th and Lexington, a woman came running up the stairs, screaming "HOLD THOSE DOORS! HOLD THOSE DOORS!"

I was so psyched! I thought, Finally, I've met her! The only person in New York!

What a hard job it must be to be the only person in New York, your life a constant series of disappointments and personal affronts, as subway doors and crowds fail to part for your every whim.

"Give me things for free!" she cries, but like an aborted ghost on the wind, her needs flutter up into the ether before ever being born.

Because of all the trains I have missed during all the rush hours I've traveled through during my 10 years of living in both New York and Boston, one thought has never crossed my mind -- that is: "It is someone else's job to get me to work."

It must be like living in a very pragmatic 'I Am Legend', where an exceedingly ineffectual plague fails to kill everyone else on earth, leaving you as the last person on earth amongst a throng of still-alive humanity.

Ironically, when you are the last person on earth, everyone ignores you.

Helpful 311 call about my killer, concrete-boring Astorian raccoon

Me: "Hi, a backhoe is digging a hole in the street and I can't sleep."

311: "Okay, how loud is it?"

"Well, I can't sleep and it's 12:30 and it's digging a hole in the STREET, so, you know. Loud."

"Ma'am, I can put you through to animal control."

"... I'm sorry?"

"You have a raccoon digging a hole in your street, I can put you through to animal control."

"I said BACKHOE. Construction."

"Oh, you have construction going on?"

"Yeah, I don't think a raccoon could throw a shovel."

Jehovah's Witness Successories

Wondering what your apocalyptic sects are using PhotoShop for lately? Wonder no more!

The Jehovah's Witnesses on Flickr Pool answers all:



"I had this printed as 11x17 and hung on my wall all last year and it was wonderful."

Apparently the irony of having your wall accessories proclaim that Jehovah's day is "near" all last year is lost on this particular fundamentalist Bobby Trendy.

Thank you, O Lord, for posters of lightning and the "outer glow" tool!

Yet, I can't help but wonder... does Jehovah hate cabins, or simply the tree-lined freeways which lead to the cabins?

These and more stirring ontological questions will be answered never.

Watching the flames because it's all over

I just turned in the final draft of my memoir, I'M PERFECT, YOU'RE DOOMED: Tales From A Jehovah's Witness Upbringing.

I am now going to go sit on the edge of a canyon like Dennis Weaver at the end of Duel.

No longer tied

Mechelle's Second Vlog

Hi I'm Mechelle and this is a link to my first vlog and this is my second vlog:

It's still audio bcuz it's only my second vlog. Not my original plan, but that's life!!

IT'S ABOUT CRAFTS THIS TIME, SO LEARN HOW TO GET YOUR HANDMADE ON!


powered by ODEO

PLEASE PLEASE LOVE IT AND COMMENT OKAY Bcuz THIS IS NEWS STUFF!!

<3 MECHELLE!

Owens Interstate has a jar

Today, the only person that Owens Interstate can count on got stuck in traffic. Her name is Lee. Owens keeps a lock of her hair in a jar and keeps that jar in the garage next to the sun tea. If you think that's weird, it don't matter so much to Owens. There's still one person left in this world who understands why the hair is there, even if she is stuck in traffic. To kill some time, Owens pulls his sorry ass up onto his same stool at the same soda counter and spins around three. More. Times. Each times he spins, he says the same dumb thing, he says: Don't ever die, Lee. You're the only one who knows about your jar.