Tech novice: A new column

I have a new weekly column on The Faster Times where I review gadgets and so forth.

Here's the first installment!

Tech Novice Goes to the Apple Store

Hope you like it. Suggestions welcomed!

This is what I would say to this vibrator

Okay, that's good. No, it's nice. It felt good. It's not you. I tried to explain before that I can't come this way. It's not you. I know, you thought you could, but that's why I told you it wasn't gonna happen. Oh God. It's not you! Are you offended now? Please don't be offended. Oh, vibrator, come back! Oh, you're just gonna smoke? Okay. Well. I'll be here. Waiting.

My fish and my cat

My beloved eBay bathroom fish (with individual hanging bubbles) (no pun intended):



My cat eating a pair of tanning bed glasses:



How do they live together in peace? My cat eats only glasses.

Put "the" in front of a modern invention and it's funny

Just so you know, you can also follow me on the Twitter

My cat. My chicken. My chipped nails.

Ambivalent Cat from Kyria Lydia Abrahams on Vimeo.

CNN finally discovers the lure of the "fantasy" genre

It's like a 10-year-old discovering that some people are homeless.

Audiences experience 'Avatar' blues.

"When I woke up this morning after watching Avatar for the first time yesterday, the world seemed ... gray. It was like my whole life, everything I've done and worked for, lost its meaning," Hill wrote on the forum. "It just seems so ... meaningless. I still don't really see any reason to keep ... doing things at all. I live in a dying world."

Hill also noted that before seeing Avatar he had actually never actually thought about life, nor was he aware that others had one. He currently resides in a cupboard with a witty, behatted mouse and a magical grinder that makes all the ice cream you desire.

"Thinking about life is not as fun as I thought it would be," said a very disappointed Hill. "I'd kill myself, but Mister Hatty Mouse won't let me."

FYI

The next time I write a book, this will be the ending:

This is my Providence.

Providence, Rhode Island, in 10-second increments.

Happy 2010!

Heart and unicorns, bitches.