On behalf of full-grown women everywhere, I would like to apologize for Kreayshawn. She, along with her sister V-Nasty, have formed something called “The White Girl Mob,” the hip hop version of The Babysitters Club, in which they run around in 80’s glasses, drop n-bombs, and pretend to be black all over LA.
Their flow is weak, their eyeliner is prominent, and the music smacks of a Jewish Summer Camp talent show. They're so upper middle class, they make Rebecca Black's Friday look like Grandmaster Flash's "The Message". Behold, Gucci Gucci:
Basic bitches wear Prada? Funny, the basic bitches I know shop at Forever 21. Still, I applaud your sense of integrity in refusing to buy the very expensive clothing that most of us can't afford. Cuz' I only buy cage-free eggs, nigga.
(Ever take the subway in Queens around 3:00 when Junior High is just letting out? You know how pre-teens get all precocious when they’re in a large group, and they squeal and throw Trapper Keepers at each other and say things like “fuck you, nigga” and it’s exceedingly uncomfortable for everyone involved? That's how I felt watching that video. Also, like I really needed to take a dump.)
Meanwhile, here's the worst freestyle ever recorded:
God, I miss the 90's. Back when white girls would have been too embarrassed to be seen doing this.
Actually, her flow kinda reminds me of the adorable fake raps my father would make up while pouring us cereal, like: “My name is Gerald and I’m here to say. I’m gonna make you breakfast in a really funky way.” And then he’d Moonwalk across the kitchen.
Even better, here's V-Nasty with a videotaped a message to the haters. That's right - the haters, baby! Haters gonna hate! Herein, she proceeds to defend the fact that she's “just bein’ real” (ie: saying nigger a lot). She does this by dropping her voice two octaves, slurring her words and acting ambivalent. You know, like the blacks do.
V-Nasty doesn’t act black. She doesn't even act white. She acts privileged. Ridiculously, embarrassingly, unabashedly privileged and lame and completely without cultural context. She acts the way rich, sheltered white people think black people act. Granted, I don’t know for a fact that Kreayshawn and her sister V-Nasty are trust fund kids, but, clearly, they are. Look at them. If you don't think they grew up with money, then you probably grew up with money. The rest of us would never in our lives dream of behaving this way.
V-Nasty claims that she's "real" because she went to jail. What did she do, shoplift hoop earrings in a Claire's? Steal a girl's mittens on the bus? Going to jail isn't just a hood thing, it's also a spoiled middle class brat thing. Just because you spent 48 hours in Central Booking eating stale cheese sandwiches doesn't mean it's okay to say nigga 9,000 times before breakfast. So put down the Sharpie, stop drawing teardrops on your cheeks, and for the love of God stop with the obviously fake ghetto diction. The only thing 8-mile about these girls is the length of the cocks they sucked to get where they are.
I guess it's hard to try to find some semblance of cultural significance in being white and middle class, and yeah, I guess it's easier to just pretend to be black or poor or real or "Oakland", because they sure do seem to have some kind of brotherhood, some kind of solidarity, some kind of culture, some sort of code of ethics that you were clearly (CLEARLY!) lacking in your childhood.
Kreayshawn, your name is Natassia Gail. You went to Berkeley. V-Nasty, no clue what your name is, but it's probably something like Kylee Zoe. You're a normal, affluent, white young female. And that's okay. Maybe one day you'll figure out a way to be okay with it, too.
(Kreayshawn: I’m from another planet. I was born in SF and I lived out there for 10 years then I moved to Oakland and I’ve been out here for 10 years. So you can say I’m super, super Bay Area. - From Ontask.)