Muslims! Jeepers creepers, you guys! What’s “up” with these Muslims, anyways?
What are they up to right now? Are they queuing up, waiting their turn to burn down an embassy and riot over cartoons? According to Google, that’s what they’re up to. Layers upon layers of angry Muslims. An Escher print of fundamentalist naiveté, never-ending stairs with infinite Molotov cocktails. Do they actually believe in Allah? Does it matter? Did you know that every Muslim receives a yearly directive on a postcard in the mail, much like jury duty?
The postcard says: Become irrationally angry over a movie that isn’t real. Kill people. This message will self-destruct in 10 seconds. PS: Try to place this message on an infidel as it explodes.
This is what Muslims are like. Or is it?
Stock photography tells a different story of the Muslim experience. The story of a kinder, more professional, more cell-phone-holding Muslim. In the world of stock photography, Muslims hold apples. They throw apples. They point at apples. They look at each other. They look at apples. They point at something off to camera left.
Muslims! They burn down embassies. They have families. They hate America. They love apples!
What’s going on here, liberal/conservative/libertarian/Christian/atheist-biased media? We know what you’re up to with your wily demoservative ways! You’re trying to make us love and/or hate Muslims. They’re just like us! They’re nothing like us! Huh?
I ask of you: if Muslims are real people, with real thoughts and dreams and the capacity to love or even be disillusioned with their religion but feel stuck in a societal construct that forces them to pretend to be pious…then why are they holding all these apples?
Why, apples? Why? There is no god.
An apple a day keeps away tooth decay (and also stops me from raping women who don’t wear the burqa)!
In some countries, I am allowed to be educated.
I was raped and now I will be put to death for it. Last meal? Apples. Did you even have to ask?
Apple in my teacup! It pleases the men! Apples for the men! Do not defile the manapples! I wish I could drive a car. I am shit.
What am I listening to? The Apples in Stereo, of course! Hey, you’ll probably want to bury me up to my neck and stone me for saying this, but I totally love this song!
Is this an apple? I do not know. That is women’s work.
In America, they allow their women to play backgammon! In turn, the women are aroused by the phallic holes on the dice. They then have sex with all the men of the neighborhood and bring disgrace upon the home. Then they eat all the apples! They are without Allah.
Here’s your goddamn apple, you xenophobic asshole. Now fuck off, I have homework to do.
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